Forgiveness
by SpongeGuy
Summary: After "Moonvasion", Lena wonders if she can forgive herself.


**Dedicated to lenasmagic from Tumblr.**

* * *

"Gary, are you SURE you haven't forgotten anything?", Pricilla asked with that tone that implied that she was 100 % sure that Gary had most DEFINITELY forgotten something.

Gary rolled his eyes as he approached the pod door of his golden spacecraft that shined and glowed in the bright noon day sun.

"Pricilla, for the last time, I HAVEN'T forgotten anything!", he complained, fishing in his golden pockets, his tongue sticking out in concentration.

"Really?", she asked in disbelief, hands on her hips. She was taller than him, so it always gave him the impression that she was disappointed in him when she did that.

He was right.

"I'm telling you, I haven't forgotten…", Gary started, when suddenly it snapped and he realized that…

"…The keys.", he sighed, resigned to his fate.

Pricilla closed her eyes, triumphant. "Yes, the keys. I told you so."

"Hey, uh, your keys are here.", a different voice suddenly rose up from the crowd of moonpeople walking around looking for their earthly… Or, well, moonly possessions.

You'd think that spotting a voice in a crowd of blue and purple aliens clad in golden armor would be difficult.

But hard as she tried, Lena Saberwing (formerly Lena De Spell, niece of one of the most evil people to ever live, but who's thinking about that) couldn't NOT stand out.

The teen duck with pink dyed hair that heavily contrasted with her mood, a black and grey striped shirt over a mint collared shirt that gave her a very different feel to the more simply dressed inhabitants of the planet, and most noticeably, purple eyeshadow that gave her a haunting or haunted look, depending on your perspective, stood in front of the moon people, a golden key chain in the palm of her hand.

If Gary and Pricilla knew the years of pain, suffering, self hatred and resentment buried deep in those black black pupils, they may have taken pity on the young girl, who held aloft their way back home.

But Gary and Pricilla didn't, and space traffic WAS busy this time of year.

"Give me that!", Gary snatched the keys, momentarily scraping Lena's feathered palm, making her recoil for a second.

"What you deserve…", a voice whispered, as it always did when she got hurt.

She had learned to mostly tune it out.

…Mostly.

"Hey!", she protested, annoyed at the shabby treatment. "How about a thank you? I just helped you get off this crummy planet."

Pricilla waved Lena's protests off, as if they were some annoying fly or something, and not a living, breathing person… Er, Duck, in front of her.

"Whatever, young one. Let's get out of here, Gary."

Gary unlocked the pod and mumbled under his breath as Pricilla entered their craft.

"Gary do this, Gary do that…", he muttered, and he lumbered inside, the door closing and the shuttle flying off into the deep unknown of space.

Gone.

Forever.

"Good riddance.", Lena thought, and she frowned at the departing space crafts, all of which had moments ago been trying to kill her and all her friends.

Her family.

Her only family.

And they were going off scot free!

She kicked a pebble with her left green and white sneaker, annoyed at the injustice of it all!

What if someone she cared for had been hurt by these monsters?

Someone like Scrooge McDuck, or Mrs. Beakley, whom had given her another chance after all the damage she had caused?

Or someone closer to her, like her new friends Huey, Dewey and Louie Duck?

Or even worse: Her new adopted sister and lovable pain in the butt Violet Saberwing?

And Violet's dads…

Correction: Her dads.

…Her dads. That felt… Weird.

And worst of all: What if Webby had been hurt?

Her best friend had been at the thick of the fighting, literally part of Earth's last defense!

"But…", Lena admitted, as she walked up to a hill overseeing the moon men spaceships. "I can't exactly criticize others for nearly hurting my friends and family."

Lena shivered for a moment as she got another intense flashback: A regular occurrence, but never a pleasant one.

"After all… I nearly did too."

Oh no. She was sinking again.

And she was hearing a weird sound again.

One negative thought leads to another. Soon she'd be thinking about lying to Webby about their friendship, which would be followed by trying to steal Scrooge's number one dime, followed by losing her body to her "loving" Aunt Magica, followed by being trapped for a YEAR as a shadow, followed by almost becoming Magica…

Lena suddenly realized that the weird sound she was hearing was her own hyperventilating, and, not wanting anyone to see, she clasped her beak with her right wind and clenched her left wing's fist, hoping that she could force it out.

It didn't really work, but thankfully, a distraction arose.

"So… Moon people."

Lena had heard many distinct sounds in her life, but perhaps the driest (and right now, most thankfully distracting) sound she had ever heard was the voice of Violet Saberwing, her aforementioned adopted sister/giant pain.

Lena smiled in relief as she approached the hummingbird with a mint green shirt and average expression (though Lena had lived with her enough time to know that there was a small smile that was only reserved for her), and the two sisters stood face to face… Sort of.

Lena was very tall.

"Should that be something I should be worried about? Most kids my age are around her height.", Lena thought, and she cringed. "Am I seriously getting angsty over my height as well?"

Violet nodded at the disappearing space craft with an educated sniff. "Must say, not only did I think that no one lived on the moon, but I didn't think they'd be such…"

"Jerks?", Lena offered, still frustrated with their behavior and conduct.

"I was going to say inhospitable invaders, but sure, jerks in laymans terms works too.", Violet dryly joked (at least, Lena thought it was a joke. You could never tell with Violet).

The two stood in silence for a moment as the ships continued to lazily leave. There were MANY, MANY ships, so the evacuation would take some time.

Some people, like Lena and Violet, opted to stand and watch the ships go by. There were even those who sat on the grass and ate sandwiches, waving goodbye to the would be conquerors.

Others, though, were preparing to leave back to their homes and their sort of but not really normal lives.

Off the corner of her left eye, Lena spotted the McDuck family entering a number of sleek black limosuines.

She could see Scrooge, Webby still clinging to his chest, stepping in to the vehicle, or at least, trying to, since Dewey tried to backflip in.

She couldn't hear anything, but she didn't need to to see Scrooge humorously chide the energetic boy, or Webby giggle that lovable laugh of hers.

Huey was excitedly jotting down something in his Junior Woodchuck guide book (for sure all the "thrilling" moon facts he had learned in the last few hours), Della and Donald were laughing together for the first time in a decade, and Launchpad was trying to reattach the car door he had just broken.

Lena could see multiple faces in that crowd, faces she sort of recognized from the last few days, like that Darkwing what's his name, and Gizmoduck, or faces that she had known for a long time, like Mrs. Beakly and Duckworth.

There were even faces she was only vaguely aware of, like Qucakfast and Gyro Gearloose.

But even those she didn't recognize made her feel almost…

At home.

Like they were all one big family.

But Lena was honestly unsure if she could ever belong to that family.

What with…

"No!", She demanded, furious with her mind. "No, I DON'T want to think about this!"

"I'm better now…", she said to herself, but less assuredly.

For a few minutes, Lena and Violet sat silently as the ships departed, saying nothing, Lena lost in her thoughts, Violet trying her best not to think about the fact that her adopted sister was clearly suffering again.

Finally, Violet stood up and clicked her tongue.

"Welp, I've had all the fun one can possibly have from watching aliens enter spaceships."

"Zero?", Lena asked with half a smirk, looking up at her new little sister.

Violet again unleashed that small smile that only Lena got. "Around that amount."

She looked back at her dads, who were waving at her next to the mini.

"Dad and Dad want us to come home and have a "Post Moonvasion Goulash"."

"What the heck is that?", Lena asked, humor laced in her words.

"Whatever it is, it's going into our beaks. But they're good cooks, so…", Violet shrugged, and she started walking out.

Suddenly, she looked back at Lena, whose back was hunched and her shoulders were slumped as she stared at the lonely wet grass.

"…You… You coming?"

Hesitation could be heard, a rarity from Violet.

Not much phased the girl; she was a bit of an emotionless girl (which worried her fathers endlessly, much to her chargin).

However, if there was one thing that upset the bookworm, it was the sight of her new older sister depressed yet again.

Violet, however, was a smart kid; she knew that she wouldn't be able to talk to Lena yet.

And if anyone could, they'd have to be particularly stubborn.

Violet knew that right now, that wasn't her.

But she still asked an empty question, one she knew the answer to, hoping against hope that Lena would just come instead of spend the next few hours…

"You go ahead. I'll… I'll catch up.", Lena breathed out breathlessly, her voice as distant as the moon that had brought upon her mood.

Violet nodded, knowing that this was to be the answer. "All right."

She turned her back to Lena, half a sad look back.

"I'll… I'll keep a seat warm for you if you want to play Smash Bros."

Lena nodded wordlessly.

"Cool.", Violet remarked, and sighing, she began to walk up to her dads, trying to calculate how she would explain to her dads that Lena needed to feel bad again.

And for now…

Lena was alone.

Like always…

Lena was alone.

As she would always be…

Lena. Was.

Alone.

A light breeze blew gently, tickling her beak, making her wrinkle it.

Her eyes closed as she tried to breath deeply like Mrs. Beakly had suggested once.

Breath deeply, count to ten, and try to ignore the all encompassing guilt of existing.

Easier said then done.

But Lena never did do things easily, now did she?

Entering a lotus position (sort of. She needed to work on that, it wasn't easy), Lena tried to focus only on good things.

"The past is behind me. The past is… Behind me.", she said, shivering as she tried to ignore.

She tried SO HARD.

And she was SO TIRED.

"Think… About what you have.", she said to herself, and she breathed deeply.

The wind blew through her hair, and she thought of Violet.

"I have a sister… And I have two dads. That's cool. Some people have no dads. I've got two. Beat that."

She took another deep breath, her words unsure.

"I have… Mrs. Beakly and Scrooge and Donald and Della and Launchpad looking after me. And I have Huey, Dewey and Louie."

She took another deep breath, trying to ignore the terrifying feeling of inevitable depression.

"I have… Webby…"

She imagined herself grabbing hold of Webby's hand, the friendship bracelets glowing…

Only for a strange yet familiar hand to grip her arm hard, removing the friendship bracelet in the process.

"Ow!", Lena cried, and suddenly she saw herself back at the beach, contacting Aunt Magica.

"Aunt Magica…", she had whispered, almost triumphantly. "I'm in."

"This… Is your fault…", a voice whispered.

Lena's eyes widened and she turned to the voice, the waves crashing oddly muted, but her heartbeat pounding like a rocket launch in her ear. "Who said that? I'm… It's not my…"

Suddenly she got smacked by an invisible hand, which flung her somewhere else.

Somewhere dark and cold.

"IT IS YOUR FAULT!", the voice screeched, echoing and disappearing suddenly.

Turning around, Lena saw herself underground, lying to Mrs. Beakly over her allegiance.

"You lied…"

Lena looked around, searching for the voice that wasn't there, yet also was.

"No I didn't! I mean, I did, it's just…"

"SILENCE!", she got hit again, her beak throbbing now, forced tears dropping, lying on the ground, completely helpless.

"No… I…"

Suddenly she heard the tracks and the whistle.

The train was going to hit Beakly, just like last time.

"Beakly, look out!", Lena screamed, but when she jumped at Beakly, she got hit by the train.

Waking up, she found herself in the shark she had created.

She had created.

Her fault.

Her fault

Her fau…

"Shut up!", she shouted, eyes closed shut, but it wasn't enough. The fingers kept pointing, pointing, pointing, changing, transforming, until they became…

"We're friends, you beautiful idiot! I don't care what you did!"

Lena wanted to believe that.

She HAD to believe that, it had to be true!

"Look at what you did for a body…", the voice whispered again, leaving feedback in her ears, but Lena didn't have time for guilt!

She had to save Webby and herself!

Sliding down like she had, she chanted "With the hand of my best friend…"

Lena glowed blue like she had then, and she could see Webby falling.

An excited smile popped on her face, redemption was right there for the taking!

"I bring about…"

But as she reached towards Webby, the invisible hand choked her, lifting her up from the ground.

Lena grasped and throttled, barely calling out Webby's name as the duckling fell down and down and down and down…

"WEBBY!", she screamed, tears falling, her vocal chords nearly damaged, as she got dropped down to the ground…

"TAKE. THE. DIME!"

And here she was, in the other bin, Scrooge's fabled Number One Dime almost at her grasp, Aunt Magica ordering, demanding her to seal the world's fate…

Her hand slowly and surely reached…

"NO!", Lena screamed, taking her hand away, but the invisible hand pulled her back towards it.

A tug of war occurred, Lena desperately trying to go away from the coin, the invisible hand dragging her back.

"Hands off of me, you… Hand!", Lena shouted, and with a swift tug, she got out of the hands grasp and rolled away just in time to…

It glinted in her palm, just like last time.

"…Oh no…", Lena whispered, failing to believe that she had done it.

"But why is it so hard to believe, Lena?", the voice echoed in her mind as she went to her knees and held her head in fear, shame and panic.

"After all…"

Webby's body fell from the money shark down to the ground next to her.

"WEBBY! Are you all…"

But Lena couldn't finish the question. As she turned her friend around, the haunting image of a Webby doll stared right back at her.

Lena backed away in fright, barely reaching the wall behind her, gasping and hyperventilating.

"STOP IT! LET MY FRIEND GO!", Lena screamed at the invisible hand.

"Stop what? What you've been doing?"

Another smack and Lena found herself in Magica's hands, the witch's face turning into her own, maliciously grinning at her.

"You've been using her, pulling her strings…"

Lena tried to escape, but the invisible hands held her tighter as Magica forcibly entered her soul and…

All was black.

All was lost.

Her eyes, her mind, her heart…

Poisoned to the core.

And here she was in the mansion.

Nearly destroying Scrooge's life, the once great man laying distraught on the ground.

"Mr. McDuck? You don't have to…", Lena tried again to help, but the shadows came tumbling down around her, a vortex opening between her feet.

"It's your fault they almost DIED!"

A kick to the chest nearly stopped her heart and her eyes rolled up to her head and…

Silence.

Shadows.

Nothing.

Seconds turn to minutes turn to hours turn to days turn to weeks turn to months…

"YOU HURT BEAKLEY!"

A punch like a train collided with her beak.

She tasted blood in her mouth and recoiled.

"YOU HURT SCROOGE!"

Her knees tripped and she smashed down to the ground, coughing out blood, her arms wobbling as she tried to stand up.

"YOU HURT THE McDUCK CLAN! YOUR CLOSEST THING TO A FAMILY!"

Multiple punches, kicks, pokes in the eye, scratches and slaps collided, hurt everywhere and nowhere, instantaneous and everlasting, inducing hot tears of shame that melted her face, retching out her soul.

The ethereal brightly lit soul, looking like Webby, reached out her hand, and Lean, desperate for redemption, reached out her hand in return.

The friendship bracelets returned, glowing brightly, Lena's smile returning with joyful tears, hope seemingly back…

When Webby reached in and removed her heart.

"YOU HURT ME!", Webby screeched, and pushed her off a cliff, Lena knowing she deserved it…

"No… That's not true… It's… Not my…"

Wake up.

Go to sleep.

Wake down.

Go to rest.

Wake on.

Go to the light.

Wake off…

DOWN TO THE DARK.

Lena crashed down, eyes braced for impact, only to be caught by…

"Violet?", Lena asked, Violet right there, as ever, holding her back.

Lena burst into tears and cheered, nearly squishing Violet.

She smiled gratefully as her tears made Violet's shirt wet, the hummingbird still silent.

"Violet! Oh my god, thank goodness you're here! I almost…"

"ALMOST WHAT? HURT VIOLET?", The voice returned, and Lena got held back as Violet was moved away, her eyes blank and lifeless, next to Webby, her Dads, Huey, Dewey, Lewie, Scrooge, Mrs. Beakley, Donald, Della, Launchpad…

"NO! I'D NEVER!", Lena screamed back, when suddenly she saw a giant hand reach to hurt her family.

"STOP!", She ordered, and she shot a blinding magic blast, purple light fizzing everywhere, sparks entering her eyes.

But at least the blast…

"…No…", she mouthed, as she saw…

Empty eyes…

Limp hands…

Cold, unmoving bodies…

They were…

Dead…

"Because of you…", the invisible voice whispered, this time almost gently.

Lena sobbed and sobbed as she got to her knees and held her face in her hands, crying tears, crying black magic, crying blood…

"Your fault… You killed them… You always did… It was you… From the very beginning…"

Lena suddenly felt herself changing, yet somehow staying the same…

She felt different, yet familiar…

A mirror was propped up between her and a wall, and Lena looked in to see…

"YOU were the villain."

Magica's face stared back at her, cackling.

Lena screamed, and anger and rage consuming her, she shouted "THAT'S. NOT. ME!"

She punched the mirror, but instead of the glass shattering, Magica's face shattered, turning into…

"Me.", she breathed out.

"You're right, Lena…",the voice said, taking shape as…

"You're not Magica…"

Lena turned around to see…

Herself.

"You're you."

Lena stared back at the other Lena and vice versa.

The first looked like Lena always did, but the second was… different.

Her tears were black, her eyes were soulless, and her body was scarred beyond repair…

For some reason, Lena felt compelled to touch the other Lena's hand…

So she stepped towards her…

And…

The two put their palms together…

"You're you…"

Lena, smiling bravely despite it all, tried to wipe the black tears off of the other Lena…

WHOOSH!

It took a moment for Lena to realize that the weird wet thing she felt on her shirt was blood…

Spewing and gushing down from a gaping hole in her heart…

A diamond knife twisting harder and harder into her chest…

The other Lena crying and laughing, smiling and frowning, joyful and distraught…

"You're you…", the other Lena said…

"And that's even worse than Magica."

Lena tried to speak but no words formed.

The other Lena suddenly pushed Lena off the cliff, her family suddenly appearing, waving goodbye as she soared down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down no hope no hope all is lost all is lost it's over it's over I'm lost I'm lost life lost life lost love torn love gone love lost love found love taken pain granted wishes of pain slit and desist and stop and never come back the guilt is you and you are the guilt and your actions never lose their impact you try to swim but you sink because the depths of your shame know no limit and the folly of redemption is but a tick an illusion a n empty promise like your meaningless existence daring you to be anything more than what you are but you know you can't because to your great and everlasting fault you are no one but…

"Me"

But just before Lena can finally sink to the bottom of the sea and gain everything by losing it all…

"Hey, Lena."

Violently waking up, as if nothing had happened, Lena gasps and turns around suddenly, the voice now not belonging to herself but to…

Louie Duck.

"…Sup?"

Lena takes a moment to visualize her surroundings.

The Moon men ships are soaring in the sky, the grass is blowing softly near her feet and Louis is standing next to her, hands in his pockets.

The nightmare is over. She really is back.

But was that a good thing?

Right now, though, she didn't have time to process the raw trauma she had just experience, since Louie was next to her, and she wanted to get rid of him before he caught on.

Taking a deep breath and trying her best to hide the terror and resignation from her voice, Lena said "…Hey Louie."

Louie kept his hands in his hoodie pockets, a blank expression on his face.

It was hard to tell what he was really feeling, and usually that blank expression was accurate, but one got the feeling that this time it was an act.

"So… You watching the moon people leave?"

Lena nodded, hoping that would be good enough of an answer.

"All alone on this hill?"

Apparently, it wasn't good enough of an answer.

"I've gotta get rid of him!", Lena thought, calculating options quickly. "Maybe a barb will shut him up."

"What's the matter?", she asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Aren't you busy taking over McDuck Enterprises and sending it down the toilet?"

Louie took it in stride, but Lena could tell that he was hiding his true feelings about that day. "Hey, that was last week. I'm a changed duck!"

"Wow. New Louie is only one week old and already as disappointing as old Louie."

Lena knew she was being a jerk, but right now that was easier than sharing… All that.

Besides, she didn't really have a relationship with Louie.

Sure, he had helped her with her nightmares, and she'd forever be in his debt for that, but that was about it.

"Oh, man.", Lena thought, the hole in her chest hurting. "I sound like such an asshole."

Louie however, did not take the insult that hard.

"Mind if I sit down?"

Lena did mind.

But it seemed like Louie would not take no for an answer.

Besides, she could just avoid it, she'd done it before!

So Lena patted the ground next to her, not daring to look at Louie out of fear that he'd see through her mask.

"Sit down, the grass is fine."

So he sat down next to her, albeit with his back to her.

And for a while, the two ducklings did nothing but sit and breath, Lena's heart hurting and Louie's mind working overtime.

There were still a few moon people embarking their crafts, but they would all be gone soon, and Lena would have no excuse to stay.

She tried to come up with some kind of way to kick Louie out, but her mind came up with blanks, instead continuing to quietly and slowly hurl more and more guilt onto her.

Suddenly, Louie broke the silence. "…Why are you really sitting here?"

Lena didn't want to answer.

So she said nothing.

Louie sighed. "Silent treatment?"

Lena still said nothing.

Louie sniffed for a moment, blinking at the clouds. "…Look, if you're not going to tell me what's on your mind, then I'll tell you why you should tell me."

Lena barely stifled a dark chuckle. "I should tell you? No offense, Louie, but I find it hard to believe that you of all people hold the key to making me feel less shitty."

Louie objected to this, of course. "Come on! You're not even willing to give me a chance to prove myself?"

"Well, let's see: You broke the timestream, nearly losing your family, you scammed Glomgold out of his entire company, NOT that he didn't deserve it, and, oh, there's the little thing of taking over Scrooge's company and almost running it into the ground in a day." Lena scoffed and counted on her fingers.

Louie, half jokingly and half seriously defended himself. "Ok, ok, so mistakes were made…"

"Title of your autobiography.", Lena quipped.

"I was thinking something more like "Louie Duck: Lit and Fit with Moolah in the Mint", but sure, "Mistakes Were Made" works too."

And again, silence fell.

For a moment, Lena thought she had avoided it for good, but then Louis spoke again, this time with a little more emotion.

"…I really could help you. If you'd let me."

Lena sighed, knowing that the youngest duck triplet's intentions were good, but misguided. "Look, Louie, it's really cool of you to try, but…"

She left that sentence hanging, but Louie didn't need the rest of it to interpret its meaning.

That didn't stop him from insisting. "I'm telling you, I can at least try."

Lena, tired of waiting, turned to him, anger in her eyes. Louie could also detect damp spots in said eyes, but he decided that he'd rather not die like that. "Louie, I'm serious: Stop trying."

Louie knew that messing with Lena was a bad idea: She could get pretty mad, and he knew that he was no match physically for her.

But it didn't stop him from staring right back, eyes narrowed with determination.

"Why? I'm tired of taking the easy route."

Lena laughed. "Since when?"

"Since last week!", Louie shouted back, slight emotion crawling into his voice.

"You can't. Change. In a week!", Lena emphasized, talking more to herself than to Louie.

"How are you so sure? How are you so sure that you can't?", Louie turned the tables.

Lena groaned, frustrated with his stubbornness. "Louie, you can't help me!"

"Why?", he shouted back, not expecting the following event.

Lena, finally out of patience, shoved him to the ground, angry tears flying off her eyes, a red face and a shaking body above him now.

"I. CAN'T. BE. HELPED!"

Realizing what she did, she turned her back to him, clenching her fists and looking down at the ground with shame.

She wished it could swallow her whole, leaving no trace.

But to her great misfortune…

She was still alive.

Louie slowly got up, dusting himself off, not averting his gaze from her hunched back and slumped shoulders.

"…No. You can't be helped."

Lena knew it was true, but it didn't stop the shiver that emcommpassed her entire body.

But Louie wasn't finished.

"You can't be helped if you never let yourself be helped."

"Sometimes, I really just want to deck that kid.", Lena thought, and she turned around, pissed.

"Louie, for god's sake, shut up…"

"No. Not until you hear me out."

The two were in an unofficial stand still, a sort of unspoken staring contest, both refusing to break.

Lena desperately wanted to kick him out…

But at the same time, she knew that he wouldn't leave without having his say.

Sighing, she turned her back again, and, muttering, she murmured "Fine. What do you want to say?"

Louie cleared his throat, knowing that he was now in the homestretch. He had to nail this or he'd lose his chance to help her.

And hard as it was for even him to believe, he wanted to help her.

Twiddling his thumbs, his usual confidence absent,, he started to make his point.

"As I'm sure you know, I can be kind of… Selfish and manipulative."

Lena shook her head, failing to believe this. "Are we seriously talking about you?"

Louie quickly intervened. "Wait, wait, hear me out!"

Lena sighed and motioned for him to go on.

Louie kicked some grass and continued. "What I was trying to say is, as you know, I can be a real jerk."

"Real asshole.", Lena added.

"Yeah, that too."

"And a dick.", Lena added, now with a dry smile.

"Ok, that's a bit much.", Louie protested.

"And a prick, moron and cock."

Louie dryly looked back at her. "You enjoyed that, didn't you?"

"Oh, very.", Lena admitted, enjoying the moment of relief.

Louie sighed. "Oh boy. Anyway, what I was trying to say, is that yes, I am all those things. And for a long time, I didn't really think of the consequences of my actions."

He started to get a little more serious, the memories of his past mistakes still a touchy matter.

Lena knew this, and she started to feel a little bad for barbing him so much. He too had regrets.

"I regret that. I regret tricking my family, I regret the timephoon, and I definitely regret taking over the company."

Emotion broke into his voice, and Lena swore that she could hear a tear or two, but she refused to turn, still rejecting help.

That, and she didn't want to embarrass him.

"I… I fucked up real bad."

Lena snickered. "Gee, what a dirty mouth. You kiss your mother with that mouth, Lellwyn?"

"Oh, you bet! That dirty mouth didn't even have that privilege until about 3 weeks ago! I'll kiss her with my disgusting mouth as much as I want!", Louie retorted jokingly, but Lena could tell that Louie really had missed his mom.

She wondered what that felt like.

Louie resumed his talk. "Anyhow… I… I didn't realize I was wrong. I was sure that there was only one way in life for me: To scam everyone in my way, make it rich quick and live the easy life. But I see now that…"

He sighed. It was never easy to say this, but he had to for Lena's sake.

"I see now that I was wrong."

Lena sighed too. "Louie… You don't have to be hard on yourself."

Louie disagreed. "No. You're wrong. I should be. I made big mistakes. And I need to fix them. And it will take time."

Louie then smiled hopefully, a little at himself and a little at her. "But… Here's the thing."

He closed his eyes, feeling the wind in his hair. "The reason I've been able to live with myself… The reason I'm not just lying in my room hating myself for being suck a dick… Is because I took the first step towards redemption. Something you haven't done."

Lena raised an eyebrow, turning towards him. "…What are you talking about? What did I not do?"

Louie smiled softly, sympathy present in his eyes. "You didn't forgive yourself."

Lena gulped. In a way, she knew he was right, but at the same time…

"Louie… I can't."

"Why not?", he asked, pressing her.

"I… I just can't!", Lena shot back, turning again, clutching herself, feeling cold.

"I… I've done too much. I've… I've fallen too far down."

"No. You. Haven't."

Lena growled. "Louie, you don't know what I've gone through."

"Of course not. But answer me this: Did you choose to steal the number one dime?"

Lena turned to him, hands on her hips. "Uh, duh! Of course I did!"

"No, Magica did. You only did it because she told you to."

"That doesn't change what I did!", Lena protested, attacking herself.

"Yes it does! You were being led astray by an abusive family figure! It's a perfect excuse, 'cause it's not an excuse! It's fucking abuse!"

Lena shook her head, not wanting to fool herself into believing. "Louie, even if that's true…"

"Did you choose to make the money shark? Or the shadow war? Did you choose to let your body be taken over?", Louie asked, disgust laced in his voice.

"Well…", Lena had to admit, he was making a good point.

But she still felt so guilty.

"Well, I guess I…"

"No, no guessing. Yes or no."

"But…"

"Yes or no."

"Wait, I…"

"Yes. Or. No."

"Listen, ok, it's not that simple…"

Lena was spiraling, and Louie refused to budge.

"Yes or no, Lena! It IS simple!"

"No, it's not!"

"Answer me!"

Lena shook and her head throbbed and her heart pounded and…

"Did you choose to be made?"

That was it. That was the million dollar question.

But the prize was most definitely not cash.

"NO, OK? I DIDN'T CHOOSE IT! I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO LIVE!"

Lena collapsed to her knees, weeping, not caring anymore who saw.

"I…", she started weakly, her breath cold, her body aching.

"I didn't choose to live. I didn't ask for all of this."

Louie stepped up to her, a look of pure sympathy painted on him. "…Exactly."

Louie knelt down and embraced her, which surprised her. They were not huggers.

"Don't dismember me.", Louie asked, and Lena couldn't help but smile at that.

"No promises…", she said, through the tears.

Louie separated from the hug and gazed into her eyes.

"Lena… I get why you feel guilty. You almost hurt all the people you love, you helped an evil witch, and you nearly became her."

He smiled encouragingly. "But you're not. You were forced to do all this. You were being manipulated. Hurt. Controlled."

Lena started listening, almost willing to accept it all.

"None of that was your fault. As you said, you didn't ask for any of this: Magica did."

Lena shook her head. "So what? That doesn't absolve me for life."

"Of course not. But…"

Louie nodded slowly. "You have something you didn't have before. Something Magica never gave you."

Lena stuttered out a question. "…W-What?"

"…A choice."

The wind blew and the birds chirped and Lena took a deep breath.

"A choice?", she asked.

Louie nodded, sitting down next to her. "I could choose to keep scamming. But I want to work hard from now on. I want to earn my riches. I want to do it the right way."

He shrugged. "And if I don't choose to do that, if I choose to revert to type, well… I'm choosing to be what I hate. I'm choosing to be the version I'm ashamed of."

Lena nodded.

"I'm not saying you're bad. 'Cause you're not. But if you decide that you are bad, well… You'll never have a chance to be good."

Louie smiled. "We're all willing to forgive you, Lena. You're family. But… Are you willing to forgive yourself?"

Lena hated to admit it… But he was right.

"Wow. You actually said something that didn't piss me off."

Louie laughed. "Yeah, I know, shocking."

Lena suddenly hugged him.

"Woah.", he exclaimed, surprised by this.

Lena now had happy tears. "Thanks for talking to me."

She wiped the tears away as she separated herself from him. "…I know that… That I didn't choose to do these things."

She looked down in shame. "But I can't help and feel like I did."

Louie nodded. "The only way out is to forgive yourself. You're not even giving yourself a chance to get better."

Lena fearfully asked the question that terrified her: "…What if I still go bad?"

Louie sighed. "You won't. You're better than you think you are. You helped us all eve under Magica's control. You're a great person. Now it's time to let yourself be that person."

Lena looked back at the clouds.

Forgiving herself couldn't be easy..

She still felt all the things she had done… No. All the things she had been forced to do.

Well… If that's the case…

Then she hasn't had a chance to actually BE bad.

Which mean, in a sense…

"I have a blank slate.", she uttered quietly.

And if that was true…

Then…

Then there WAS hope.

If she had a blank slate, then she had just as much of a chance of ending up good as she did ending up bad.

For the first time in her life…

Lena had a choice.

Lena could try again.

One more chance.

Tears flowed down as Lena realized she could be who she wants to be.

She COULD.

And, despite spending so many years in the company of magic, that was the most magical thing she had ever seen.

"There really is still hope…"

Lena slowly stood up, following the last alien ship as it began to leave.

Closing her eyes, she projected all the mistakes she had made.

All the terrible things that she was forced to do.

Magica wasn't her…

She was an illness.

To fight an illness, one must accept that it isn't who they are.

But also…

To choose to fight it.

Lena could see that she could be good.

But she could never be good, be happy…

If she didn't forgive herself.

A hand softly landed over her heart.

"…I didn't choose to be like that. And I choose not to be."

She closed her eyes tight. "From now on… I choose to be me. The real me."

She smiled.

"I give myself… A chance."

And that's what she did, as her guilt flew away to the moon, far far away.

And as one last tear flowed down, Lena felt it.

Hope.

It would take time… Time to heal. To discover herself. To shut the voice down.

But…

One day…

One day…

She'd be good.

And she'd be happy.

And she'd be… Herself.

And that was truly magical.


End file.
